


Burn Bright, For Forever

by masterroadtripper



Series: Throw Away The Typical [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Deception (TV 2018), The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety Disorder, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Injury Recovery, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Trans Male Character, Underage Smoking, canon-typical triggers, panic disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25814404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterroadtripper/pseuds/masterroadtripper
Summary: The year is 1898 and the Barnum and Bailey Circus is home from their latest cross-country tour.  Set up on their plot of land in Lower Manhattan, on the banks of the Hudson, two boys cross paths and manage to change each other's lives forever.Evan Hansen has been working at the circus with his mom since he was seven years old.  Smoking on the docks, he crosses paths with another boy and stops him from doing something he is going to regret.Connor Murphy ran away from his family with the intention of never being found.  Instead, a small blond-haired boy stops him at the docks and forces him to question what would happen if he did wake up tomorrow.
Relationships: Charity Barnum/P. T. Barnum, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Phillip Carlyle/Anne Wheeler
Series: Throw Away The Typical [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/958350
Kudos: 4





	Burn Bright, For Forever

Laying on his back and looking up at the flowing red and yellow colours of the big top above his head, Evan tried to close his eyes and see if he could fall asleep. It had to be almost two in the morning by now, and yet, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he tried to focus on just how tired the muscles in his back or the soles of his feet were, it just wasn’t enough to actually fall asleep.

Sure, he could get up and go stand by the water, look out over the docks until the sun rose, then sneak back under the big top before someone noticed, but Evan knew himself. He was just too clumsy to do that without waking someone else. That and his pallet creaked so much that it would probably wake his mother. Then she’d get mad at him for not sleeping, and that was just not an argument that he was interested in having at the moment.

Supposedly, if he slept and rested more, his arm would heal faster. Which actually sounded really appealing at the moment. Not only did the incessant throbbing keep him up most nights, but he wasn’t allowed to perform until he got the bindings and sling off. Sure, he still helped his mother and Jared with training, but Mr. Carlyle had put his foot down when he’d tried to get his costume on without anyone noticing.

Evan found that he was starting to miss the person he was when he was out in the ring, working with the animals and performing for the masses. Because that version of Evan didn’t stutter, didn’t second guess himself, and was actually confident. But for the life of him, Evan had no idea what happened, because the second he ran out of the ring when his number finished, he just had no access to that person. Jared would call him ‘Acorn’, his mother would fuss over him, and Evan would find himself tripping over even the most simple phrases. And he hated it.

Trying to roll over without jostling his busted up arm, Evan thought he heard the scuffle of boots outside the tent wall that he slept near, but realized it was probably just the shifting of his own blankets against the hay floor that his pallet rested on. Making himself as comfortable as possible, Evan tried to close his eyes while he smashed his face into his pillow. Maybe if he stopped breathing long enough, he’d just...fall asleep.

 _No,_ Evan thought to himself, _those types of thoughts are what landed you in this situation in the first place. Stop it._

He tried to think of the horses, likely having a better rest than he was having, in the stables behind the big top. He tried to think of the lion cub that he was getting the opportunity to raise and train by himself. He tried to think of the elephant that they’d just retired to the Central Park Zoo. Anything other than the day he fell off the second platform of the trapeze set up.

But then, he heard a sound that he was sure he didn’t make. Sitting upright and holding his breath, Evan was sure that he could hear footsteps outside of the tent. Unsure exactly what to do, he grabbed a lamp, dimmed for the night, off its hook on the wall and climbed out of bed. Throwing on the cloak that Lettie had made for him - able to accommodate the bulky brace strapped to his arm - and shoving his feet into his boots, Evan grabbed the strongest thing he could find before heading towards the main flap of the housing tent.

Holding the lamp with his left hand and a plank of wood with the other, Evan scanned around the tent in the darkness of night. Moving closer to the east wall and the river, Evan thought he could see a figure looking out over the water. Turning the reflector towards the figure in question, he could see them quickly turn their head - eyes reflecting in the light - before darting away.

“Crap,” Evan muttered to himself before impulsively calling, “Wait!”

But the figure didn’t stop and suddenly they were out of the light of his lamp.

From behind him, he could hear the ruffle of fabric. Turning around, he saw the face of his boss, only wearing his pyjama bottoms and nothing on his top, burn scars visible even in this lighting.

“Evan, what are you doing?” Mr. Carlyle asked, walking towards him, feet shoved into unlaced boots crunching in the gravel.

“I thought I heard someone out here,” Evan muttered, just barely managing to prevent himself from stuttering.

“So you thought you’d come out here alone?” Mr. Carlyle asked, “You must really want a second busted up arm, huh kid?”

“No sir,” Evan muttered, looking down at his feet.

“Good,” he replied, “come back inside and go to sleep. There's no one out here.”

“Uh-huh,” Evan grunted, following his boss back inside.

“Lamp,” Mr. Carlyle said, holding his hand out and Evan awkwardly handed over the lamp. He wasn’t making any night-time explorations without it. He figured that was why Mr. Carlyle took it in the first place. There was no way Evan would go for a wander at night without the lamp.

“Go to sleep,” Mr. Carlyle said, “and Evan, I don’t want to have to go above your head and get your mom involved, but if you’re still not taking care of yourself, she needs to know, right?”

“Yes sir,” Evan agreed. As much as he hated the logic, he knew it was true.

Laying back down on his pallet, kicking his boots off the end, Evan wondered if he was just seeing things. Because he’d never once in his life seen someone’s eyes do what the figure in black’s had when he looked into the lamp. And the one, short glimpse of his face that Evan had gotten, he looked ghastly thin and pale. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. Maybe he had lost so much sleep that he was starting to see things. Evan wouldn’t put it past himself.

Rolling over onto his right arm and letting the left pillow awkwardly over his stomach, Evan closed his eyes. This time he fell asleep and dreamed of the tall, thin figure in black on the dock.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving this story a try! 
> 
> 1) These are my three favourite fandoms and I decided that I should totally try to do an AU where all three are combined. This is the product of that. 
> 
> 2) Yes, this takes place in my "Throw Away The Typical" Series. The other stories are not required reading for this one to make sense, but some of the characters and OC's are introduced in those stories so it might help this one make a little bit more sense. 
> 
> 2.5) I promise that this story will not be as similar to the stories in "Throw Away The Typical." I wrote those 2 years ago and admittedly, I am a much better writer now. That means that this will not be a songfic in any way, shape or form and the chapters will hopefully be significantly longer. I haven't deleted those old stories for memories' sake, but they're really not the best stuff I've ever written. 
> 
> 3) Please bear with me as I work on this. There will not be an updating schedule, but chances are, it'll be close to every 3rd or 4th day that a new chapter will be added.


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